Forgiveness is an essential component to a happy, meaningful and lengthy marriage. The Bible says, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,” Ephesians 4:26. In other words, anger should not last into the evening and especially not into the next day. Sometimes anger results from the silliest things. When that happens look behind the anger for the real issue. In any case it is a good idea to let go of the anger before you go to sleep. It does not mean that the issue goes away, but the level of emotionality decreases. If one or both persons have engaged in conflict, forgiveness is the order of the day.
Some people make the mistake of stockpiling anger. My mother used to tell a story about her grandmother. She called her grandma Richie. Grandma Richie had a pack of about 10 switches in the corner. When she used them to discipline the children, she would wet them and begin to beat him/her. With each hit she would say this is for not doing your homework, this is for coming home late yesterday and this is for talking back last week and so on. Can you imagine how this could destroy a marriage? It is important to deal with issues and then let it go. Forgive and, if possible forget so there are no open wounds in the marriage. Stockpiling anger is a recipe for disaster.
Serial forgiveness is the goal of a healthy marriage. It means to forgive over and over again. My daughter preached a sermon in which she talked about the new “F” word. I am suggesting that you add the new “F” word to your top 10 list for Marital bliss. Of course, the new “F” word is forgiveness. At the top of your top ten list for a happy marriage should be joy and then forgiveness. We are human beings and we make mistakes daily, so we need to give and receive forgiveness daily.
The beginning of forgiveness is to take you out of the equation. One of the reasons forgiveness is difficult is that the offense often feels like a personal attack. Try to take “you” out of forgiveness and you will be able to deal with the problem more objectively. Next, try to understand the problem by asking the questions. It is what the Bible means when it says, “Come let us reason together,” Isaiah 1:18. People make mistakes and mistakes must be forgiven if the marriage is to survive.
Monthly Question:
1. What are 3 reasons you find it hard to forgive?
2. Name 3 reasons you find it hard to receive forgiveness?
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