Love is essential. It is very difficult to commit to living with someone for the rest of your life without love. It is important to understand what you mean when you tell someone, “I love you.” Love has a variety of meanings. I am partial to the way that the ancient Greeks delineate love.
They say that there are three types of love: Eros, Philae and Agape.
Eros (romantic love), is the type of love that creates attraction at the beginning of a relationship. Eros is about pleasure and by that I do not mean sex only. When there is a real attraction sex is not the only way to find pleasure. With a genuine attraction you find pleasure when eyes meet across a crowded room. Pleasure comes from the touch of a hand or the brush of a shoulder. The culminating event is the sexual encounter. Whether one month or 10 years it is likely that the initial culminating event is what sealed the deal.
Philae is the word for brotherly love. The word, “Philadelphia,” came from the Greek word, Philae. That is why Philadelphia is called the City of Brotherly Love. It implies that there is a genuine friendship. Friendship is essential for a life long relationship. Friendship is not static; it continues to grow throughout the years. Real friends will have as a theme, “If you need me, call me, no matter where you are, no matter how far (don't worry, baby). Just call my name I'll be there in a hurry, you don't have to worry. Cause baby there ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough, ain't no river wide enough to keep me from getting to you, babe.” Philae is a strong and powerful bond that creates a connection for the couple that cannot be broken.
The third type of love is Agape. It is the kind of love that puts self second and the other first. It is the kind of love that makes a man get up in the middle of the night when he hears a noise. The husband/father gets up and puts his life on the line for those he loves. It is what it took for a parent to push his/her young child out of the way of a moving vehicle, resulting in the death of the parent. In effect, that is what Jesus Christ did when He went to the cross of Calvary for your sins and my sins. Jesus died so that we might have life.
The Bible calls on a husband and a wife to have that kind of love for each other. In Ephesians 5:25 it says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” That same love is required of the wife in the previous verse. Ephesians 5:24 says, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Verse 25 is easier to understand than 24. We always have trouble with the word “submit.” It is really an easy word to understand. Submit is synonymous with loving as Christ loved the church and gave himself for the church. Christ submitted when He came to earth, He submitted when He became a servant of all and He submitted when He went to the cross, died on the cross and was buried in a borrowed grave. Wives are asked to submit, but we often miss when men are asked to submit. In verse 21 in Ephesians 5 it says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” That verse talks about mutual submission. There are a number of places where the Bible talks about mutual submission. Try to notice as you read future blogs. The combination of Eros, (romantic love), Philae, (brotherly love) and Agape, (self-sacrificing love) offers that which a couple needs to find love everlasting.
Monthly Questions
1. What first attracted you to your spouse?
2. Could you describe a way that you and your spouse have found true friendship?
3. What would Agape love look like for you and your spouse?
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